The post I don't want to write and never thought I would

Patrick dumped me.

If you don't know where I've been or why I've been sad, this is why. He said he struggled with his emotions for months, because over the summer and after I was in Japan he realized he didn't love me anymore. So he waited until I was in a phone booth outside a trainstation in Japan at 7am to tell me. For me it came out of nowhere.

I feel like the biggest piece of shit alive. I have no idea when or why this happened. I guess I'm just the kind of worthless person that you can propose to, promise to marry and then leave when they need you most. I've had tremendous support from everyone and I'm telling myself it's not true (that I'm worthless) and I can move on, but it hurts too much. I've gone through every type of emotion imaginable and in this post I wanted to be calm and unbiased and I'm sorry if this hurts a lot of people. I haven't wanted to write this because I know Mrs. Prugh might see it, and this has hurt her and my mother more than me in a lot of ways. I'm sad because I loved Pat's family and I'm doing my best to mend my ties with them so I don't loose everything over the past seven years. I'm also trying to be friends with Patrick, which is hard, but hopefully not impossible.

The same day this happened my mom told me she had to go back on Chemo. because they found things in her system they didn't know were cancer or not. I used this combined with my failed engagement to get Kansai Gaidai to allow me to return home and be able to come back in January. Right now I'm home, working and meeting with friends and trying to heal the best I can. When I got to the states I found out that my mom does have cancer, they caught it early enough so the cells haven't formed yet, so with the chemo she'll be fine. We're all hoping for the best.

Also going on, my grandmother has colon cancer and can no longer care for herself so I haven't seen my father because he is in Missouri helping move her to a place either a home or with my aunt where she'll be better taken care of.

I would like to thank everyone that has messaged, emailed, IMed, called, written, and knocked on my door. My family: Mom, Dad and James. Jer. Along with the Japanese crew: Erica, Drew, Nadia, Maria, Marika, Tracey, Kim, Alba, Alex, Matt, Limmer-san, Milka-san, Riho, Chinatsu, Yoko, Yuri and the staff of Kansai Gaidai. The Park Ratz: Tessa, Kirk, Shelly, O'Neil, Jared Gators: Elmer, Jay, Carrie, Hali, Mr. and Mrs. Prugh, Chris, Cavin, Jon, Danny, Renate There are tons more, I'm just too tired to figure out everyone. Know that I am so happy to have you all supporting me. I couldn't do this without you.